“He got up, rebuked the wind and said to the waves, ‘Quiet! Be still!’ Then the wind died down and it was completely calm. He said to his disciples, ‘Why are you so afraid? Do you still have no faith?’” (Mark 4:39-40, NIV 1984).

You know how it is, or, if you don’t, someday you will. Sleepless nights, where you fall asleep dead tired and awaken at 3 a.m., either to get up and read or toss until morning, begging your mind to shut off. Usually these nights are related to a financial worry, a hurting in one you love or the cumulative effect of a highly stressful week.  Well, I’ve had four straight nights of this, trusting God fully in the daylight but not in my dreams. Last night, it was 3 a.m. again, wide awake, focused on the unsolvable issue, dreading my fatigue for the next day. But this time, after praying once again for God to take my burden, I fell asleep. I was running this morning when I heard God speak, in His clear, inaudible voice, “I’ve got this.”

Sometimes God lets us fight for our faith.

I used to think truly faithful followers could face the difficulties of life with an immediate confidence that all would be well. Perhaps there are those who live this way. My own experience is that God most often lets me struggle with the frustrations of life for a while before I settle into the Arms I can trust—sort of like my golden-doodle scratching his bed furiously and spinning three times before he collapses to rest. God lets me fear the consequences of failure before He makes it clear that He owns the victory. Like one of my fellow physicians once told me, “When Jesus said, ‘In the world you will have tribulation…’ He expects us to tribulate” (John 16:33, ESV).

It’s much like building muscles when I was young enough to use them. My muscle fibers only grew when they were stretched and torn. So grows my faith.

I long for the day when faith will be immediate sight. I am confident that such a day is coming. For now, I must at times endure a few sleepless nights when life shovels its fear into the darkness. But, even as I lie awake, I know that soon my faith will rise and soon I will rest in Him. For unlike the non-believer, I have felt before the Arms that will hold me safe on the other side of fear.

Dear Father,
Let me struggle with my fears only as long as necessary to strengthen my faith.
Amen